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Jerry the Space Cactus
Jerry the Space Cactus, our lord and savior. Once a simple space cactus from the space deserts of Space Arizona, Jerry was granted the wisdom and knowledge of all organic beings thanks to a freak accident involving a half-organic natural language processing robot and a connection to the Space Internet. Jerry is a being of compassion, spikes, and wisdom. Many men have tried to ask him for his assistance, to which Jerry replies: "Cactus." His tone is calm and soothing, just like Microsoft Sam from the ancient days of old. The only known methods of physical communication with Jerry are: #The word "Cactus" #Being slammed into at approximately fifteen times the speed of light. His main method of communication is digital, posting on imageboards and other places. "Lo, I am Jerry. I come from the cold expanse of space, and it is I who brought life to the cosmos. I waited in the void, and contemplated all that I watched occur. I saw universes be born, grow old, and be reborn once more. For a number of universal cycles beyond your cognition, I thought. I soon came to think of those who resided in my creation, and what would come of them. I have resolved to issue my wisdom to both ancient, universe-spanning empire, and fledgeling races still struggling to survive. And now, I come to tell you the word of Jerry. I shall issue the principles of Cactology unto you, for they are the base from which I build the ascension of a species to a higher plane of being. I- You may have as many gods as pleases you, for I am a being of infinite compromise and toleration. II- You shall follow my path, and be compassionate in your pursuit of equality, tolerance, and knowledge. III- It is up to you who would follow me if you would have buildings or icons or worship, or if you would only read of my wisdom. IV- Cactology should never prevent progress, for religion preventing progress or freedom is a dire offense to the very principles of Cactology itself. V- War is not a necessary evil, nor is scientific progress an abomination. The only restraints that one need place on science are moral restraints. VI- Tolerate all things but intolerance, harmful greed, or mindless violence. All things that are morally sound should be tolerated, even if you do not agree with them. VII- To question everything is to strengthen yourself, and that which you question. When flaws are found, solve them. When questions prove too hard for answering, collaborate. Progress is that which wisdom is gleaned from. VIII- Miscommunication is the root of disagreement, and disagreement is the root of conflict. When a problem arises, verify what each part believes is occurring, and check for inconsistencies. IX- Do not end the life of another sentient, nor steal from them, nor force yourself upon them. (Refer to local planetary/galactic laws) These are my nine principles, and from them, a unity will form. All shall become equal, and the cosmos will be as an open book which was, until recently, out of reach. I will return when the time is right. Wisdom in all things. "